There seems to be a rumour that I retired. Recently I also received messages from fans who asked me directly. I think it’s time to explain, and not just on this subject.
First of all: no. I haven’t retired, yet, nor do I plan so anytime soon. But I have either shut down or minimized certain activities that affect my work in the music industry, on the other hand, I draw my energy to other (and partially new) things.
About my management activities in the music industry
As you may know, I no longer work for FRISKY. I also removed my shows from the station, because I wanted it that way. I was not officially fired. At a certain point, FRISKY simply stopped communicating with me for reasons that to this day are incomprehensible to me, unless I suspected fraud. After all, I was the one who quit after nobody talked to me anymore. I got some sort of explanation (very much too late), but it wasn’t satisfactory at all. Despite the fact that it assumed completely false accusations that looked strongly like made up, for the sake of accusation. I can not spread the whole story publicly, it’s still a legal process that is far from over. I still have demands that I have to enforce in court.
With great pleasure I am Head of A&R for Pro B Tech Music. This job usually takes place in the background, which is why you do not notice much of it. But I am very busy. If you have demos, send them to me. 😉
I direct my energy more and more to the work in the studio. That means I produce, mix, master and compose a lot, both for myself and for clients. That’s great fun. I couldn’t imagine quitting this, ever. I will probably do this until my very last breath. I just love music too much.
I do that. Still. As long as I enjoy it and my time allows it. I don’t know when the time has come when it stops being enough fun to continue, but you will notice.
Quite clear: I’m picking out the really good ones. I’m tired of stupid discussions with promoters that do too much coke and have an incredibly inflated ego or want to fool me. I do not play for free drinks, travel expenses and hotel. BTW, I never did that.
To be honest: I have been involved in the music industry for about 25 years. I have experienced many beautiful things, seen many places and people and experienced unforgettable moments. But also many bitter disappointments. And I – 45 years old – do not feel like it anymore. Really not. I might be a bit stupid, but not that stupid.
And here is the most important thing…
Over the years, I have neglected far too many things. Friends and partnership, for example. Family. A normal life. I haven’t always given the really important people in my life the attention and energy they deserve. Although I always had the best intentions, I have been terrible on many subjects and fucked up opportunities.
At 45, I’m full of regrets that I need to process — believe it or not. Your own mistakes make you either go full retard (pardon the wording) or they make you humble and thoughtful. I want to be a better version of myself and live the life I could have lived earlier if I hadn’t clinged to stupid things and false perceptions. I also want to have more time and energy for private passions and hobbies, and I also want to really listen to the music I love more, not just skip through it, because I need to evaluate it.
I’m at an age where you do not have to get involved with everything or prove anything. I (almost) only do things that I enjoy doing. A few things I did before have only taken but not given back enough, or at all. Fuck this.
In a nutshell, I have no time or energy to waste. This life is short and will be over sooner or later, and I’m the only one responsible for my happiness until that day has come.
However, that’s the short explanation on the state of things. If necessary, I will explain more at some point. Thanks for your attention and for your support! I sincerely hope you understand what this is about, and what not.
A good while ago I decided to not post anything really political or too personal here on my website. People that know me personally know that I’m a “political thinking person” (or so), so this is in my system at all times, among other things that I talk about in a minute. I generally care for this planet and what happens on and to it. Today, I decided to be quite open about something, probably just for that one time.
I know a thing or two about narcissistic sociopaths.
Please, know that I feel deeply ashamed of what I have to tell you now.
My father was an extreme narcissistic sociopath, combined with an extreme intelligence. I can hear you thinking: DANGER! And yes, you’re absolutely right. I’m sorry to have to admit that my father was a very dangerous man to many people surrounding him, me included. He was super-manipulative, a notorious but very smart liar, he cheated, he didn’t allow anyone to criticize him, he was sadistic, up to an extent that he really enjoyed “breaking” someone, and everything he did was only for his advantage. He liked to especially “break” me, because he considered me being his one real “competitor”, as I was from his blood. In his perception, his “own” son (he really owned me, I was his property) could have been the only one that could seriously challenge him. He loved to attack me on a daily basis, or at least whenever he could. It wasn’t exactly helpful that I’m a rebel by nature and a very strong personality myself. Actually, it did help, but you know what I mean.
I was so afraid of my father that I only needed to hear his big-ass Mercedes S-Class entering the driveway to our house when he came home at night, that my body — especially my legs — began shaking for no obvious physical reason. I didn’t feel cold or something like that. My legs just shook. His pure vicinity and existence scared the shit out of me. I knew he would be near me within a few minutes, attacking me again. Never physically, by the way. He was a psychological perpetrator.
I used to write diaries when I was a juvenile, and I wrote all my feelings down in them (alongside drawings), and one day — he “knew” I was very mad at him — he sort of raided my entire room (when I was at school) to find my diary. And he did, of course. It was full of insulting words for him, and he went ballistic. He took the diary to his attorney to deposit it there. I still don’t know why, and I never got the diary back. I think he wanted to have something against me in case I would sue him. My father was a very successful businessman who made a lot of money. I think he was paranoid about the thought that one day I would demand parts of his fortune.
His mental illness supported his success as a businessman substantially. He basically screwed everyone over and knew exactly which strings to pull at all times. Technically, he never made mistakes. He was like a machine, destroying others most effectively. I witnessed how he treated his staff many times, and I witnessed how he screwed his clients over. He perfectionized the art of manipulation and very “elegant” blackmailing. He fucked people over with a self-righteous smile on his face, feeling great about it, praising himself in that very moment he just killed someone’s life or existence, or broke someone’s heart. He was the big man, the king of an illusionary kingdom, the Donald Trump in my life.
Women had to fill a very classical role in his life. They had to prepare and serve food, they had to look good and willing to please him sexually, and most importantly: they had to be by his side as a living decoration of his greatness. Woman = trophy. Ideally, they would keep their mouths shut, unless he demanded to open it. Needless to say, he cheated on every woman he has ever been with, my mother included.
Luckily, this made me a feminist. 🙂
His abusive behavior made other people seriously sick, and he had zero empathy for anyone but himself. He considered himself to be a victim, in general, just like Donald Trump. Everyone was unfair and dishonest to him, no one treated him the way he deserved. Nothing was good enough for him, no matter how hard I (or anybody else) tried. Not much more than a heartless “not too bad” came out of his mouth, whenever I did something actual great. His son, I, was a worthless piece of shit that only fed on his achievements, resources and money. I had to prove literally everything on a daily basis, in order to “earn” his attention. Of course, I failed to 99.99%.
The most hurtful moment must have been when I had my first real gig as a drummer, in front of 2,000 people. He sat in the first row in the audience (to my surprise, he showed up). After the gig, the crowd gave us standing ovations and frenetic applause. My father was the only person that kept sitting, not applauding, not even smiling. Nothing. He was disgusted by my success and that I was very good at something that people admired and respected. My heart, that he had pissed on countless times before, was in a trillion pieces. On that day I really started to feel nothing but hate for him.
He could praise other people over the moon, though, when what they did meant something to his advantage. Or when someone expressed his admiration for him. Then this person was “the best ever”, Trump-style.
My father died early from another severe (physical) illness that he suffered from for a long time. I wasn’t ashamed then and I am not now when I say: it was a salvation for everyone, especially me. My father was a dark shadow in my life. He still continues to haunt me.
I will, most probably, never get rid of the sadness inside of me when I think about everything I said above. I’m sad that I had such a father, and it doesn’t stop to hurt that I have to talk about him like that. I wish I would have had a father to be proud of, but most importantly: a father proud of me. Instead, I have always been his #1 target, and I’m doomed to deal with this for the rest of my life.
Okay, enough about my father. I hope you understand now why this topic is important to me. The “free world” has a new leader since 20th January, 2017, and he is just like my father was, just on a much larger scale.
Whenever the Vice President and a majority of either the principal officers of the executive departments or of such other body as Congress may by law provide, transmit to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives their written declaration that the President is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office, the Vice President shall immediately assume the powers and duties of the office as Acting President.
Thereafter, when the President transmits to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives his written declaration that no inability exists, he shall resume the powers and duties of his office unless the Vice President and a majority of either the principal officers of the executive department or of such other body as Congress may by law provide, transmit within four days to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives their written declaration that the President is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office. Thereupon Congress shall decide the issue, assembling within forty-eight hours for that purpose if not in session. If the Congress, within twenty-one days after receipt of the latter written declaration, or, if Congress is not in session, within twenty-one days after Congress is required to assemble, determines by two-thirds vote of both Houses that the President is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office, the Vice President shall continue to discharge the same as Acting President; otherwise, the President shall resume the powers and duties of his office.
The relevant information is in bold letters. What I want to say is: According to numerous top psychologists, Donald Trump is mentally ill, suffering from a severe narcissistic personality disorder. Again, the world of scientists seems to be absolutely clear about that, it’s not an #alternativefact.
Here are my questions, and I’d be happy if you would give me answers, if possible:
Can someone or an institution force Donald Trump to have his mental health checked? And if, who and how?
Why has nobody done that already, and why didn’t anyone (or the constitution) request a general mental health check before someone gets inaugurated for such a high office?
I don’t get how this could happen, how the most powerful country on Earth has put someone into the Oval Office that is not mentally fit for this office. On the other hand I see a process like the one stated above as the most realistic and fastest way to remove Trump from office.
Mike Pence, despite the fact how much I disagree with him politically, seems to be at least a somewhat sane person. We can have political disagreements with people, but it’s another thing when someone is living out his symptoms of his mental illness. That is putting the entire world in danger…. just like my father fucked up my life when I was young.
The world needs to remove this sick man from office. Urgently.