in the last few days, I have become increasingly aware that something is wrong with my right ear. Yesterday, the hearing became so bad and the pain so intense that I visited an ear specialist. I have a stupid inflammation of the ear canal.
Unfortunately I can not work on music for the next 2 days. After that, everything is back to normal (hopefully!).
Thank you for your potential understanding. You know where to send the recovery gifts. 🙂
ces derniers jours, j’ai pris de plus en plus conscience que quelque chose n’allait pas avec mon oreille droite. Hier, l’audience est devenue si mauvaise et la douleur si intense que j’ai rendu visite à un spécialiste de l’oreille. J’ai une inflammation stupide du conduit auditif.
Malheureusement, je ne peux pas travailler sur la musique pour les 2 prochains jours. Après cela, tout est revenu à la normale (espérons-le!).
Merci pour votre compréhension potentielle. Vous savez où envoyer les cadeaux de récupération. 🙂
en los últimos días, me he vuelto cada vez más consciente de que algo anda mal en mi oído derecho. Ayer, la audiencia se tornó tan mala y el dolor tan intenso que visité a un especialista en oídos. Tengo una inflamación estúpida del canal auditivo.
Lamentablemente, no puedo trabajar en música durante los próximos 2 días. Después de eso, todo vuelve a la normalidad (¡con suerte!).
Gracias por su posible comprensión. Ya sabes a dónde enviar los regalos de recuperación. 🙂
There seems to be a rumour that I retired. Recently I also received messages from fans who asked me directly. I think it’s time to explain, and not just on this subject.
First of all: no. I haven’t retired, yet, nor do I plan so anytime soon. But I have either shut down or minimized certain activities that affect my work in the music industry, on the other hand, I draw my energy to other (and partially new) things.
About my management activities in the music industry
As you may know, I no longer work for FRISKY. I also removed my shows from the station, because I wanted it that way. I was not officially fired. At a certain point, FRISKY simply stopped communicating with me for reasons that to this day are incomprehensible to me, unless I suspected fraud. After all, I was the one who quit after nobody talked to me anymore. I got some sort of explanation (very much too late), but it wasn’t satisfactory at all. Despite the fact that it assumed completely false accusations that looked strongly like made up, for the sake of accusation. I can not spread the whole story publicly, it’s still a legal process that is far from over. I still have demands that I have to enforce in court.
With great pleasure I am Head of A&R for Pro B Tech Music. This job usually takes place in the background, which is why you do not notice much of it. But I am very busy. If you have demos, send them to me. 😉
I direct my energy more and more to the work in the studio. That means I produce, mix, master and compose a lot, both for myself and for clients. That’s great fun. I couldn’t imagine quitting this, ever. I will probably do this until my very last breath. I just love music too much.
I do that. Still. As long as I enjoy it and my time allows it. I don’t know when the time has come when it stops being enough fun to continue, but you will notice.
Quite clear: I’m picking out the really good ones. I’m tired of stupid discussions with promoters that do too much coke and have an incredibly inflated ego or want to fool me. I do not play for free drinks, travel expenses and hotel. BTW, I never did that.
To be honest: I have been involved in the music industry for about 25 years. I have experienced many beautiful things, seen many places and people and experienced unforgettable moments. But also many bitter disappointments. And I – 45 years old – do not feel like it anymore. Really not. I might be a bit stupid, but not that stupid.
And here is the most important thing…
Over the years, I have neglected far too many things. Friends and partnership, for example. Family. A normal life. I haven’t always given the really important people in my life the attention and energy they deserve. Although I always had the best intentions, I have been terrible on many subjects and fucked up opportunities.
At 45, I’m full of regrets that I need to process — believe it or not. Your own mistakes make you either go full retard (pardon the wording) or they make you humble and thoughtful. I want to be a better version of myself and live the life I could have lived earlier if I hadn’t clinged to stupid things and false perceptions. I also want to have more time and energy for private passions and hobbies, and I also want to really listen to the music I love more, not just skip through it, because I need to evaluate it.
I’m at an age where you do not have to get involved with everything or prove anything. I (almost) only do things that I enjoy doing. A few things I did before have only taken but not given back enough, or at all. Fuck this.
In a nutshell, I have no time or energy to waste. This life is short and will be over sooner or later, and I’m the only one responsible for my happiness until that day has come.
However, that’s the short explanation on the state of things. If necessary, I will explain more at some point. Thanks for your attention and for your support! I sincerely hope you understand what this is about, and what not.
I decided to offer all my music for which I own the copyrights* for free, now and in the future. “Free” means all music I have on my own label (L2 Music) can be downloaded for as low as zero (all currencies, smiles preferred) or for whatever amount you think is right, in the best possible quality! There are no hooks, eyelets or hidden conditions. There is just music.
You can either stream my music for free via Spotify or stream and/or download at Bandcamp.
*Digital downloads, not physical products, of course. I have no influence on the price of my music that I have signed with other labels, hence I can not offer this for free. But all of my albums are on my own label, and most of my non-dance-music productions.
Of course, I will still do paid remixes (and receive royalties for those), and sign my music to other labels, mostly dance music productions. But music on my own label (my albums etc.) will be free from now on.
Why am I doing this?
It’s simple, really. There is no point in asking you to pay for the download of music files anymore when you can stream it for free already. Those who like to listen to music in top quality (the audiophiles among you), there are the free or pay-what-you-want downloads at Bandcamp.
Nevertheless, I would like to ask each one of you to support me by becoming my patron:
Thank you, no matter if you’re just a listener or paying subscriber/downloader. You’re all equally valuable to me.
Today I want to share something with you, which works very well (for me!) for some time now. I’ve done a lot of research on this and I think I’m now able to put the best possible results together here for you.
I’m talking about the best times to post on social media. That sounds a bit general, and it is, so please, just take this as a guideline, but not as a 100 percent truth. Depending on what content you share it may work differently for you, and there are certainly many other factors that relativize my results.
I suggest that you always consult your own experiences and your gut feeling before you follow my (or anyone else’s) advice, especially when it comes to something as complicated as the one being talked about here.
However, here are my suggestions (all times in 24h format):
A good while ago I decided to not post anything really political or too personal here on my website. People that know me personally know that I’m a “political thinking person” (or so), so this is in my system at all times, among other things that I talk about in a minute. I generally care for this planet and what happens on and to it. Today, I decided to be quite open about something, probably just for that one time.
I know a thing or two about narcissistic sociopaths.
Please, know that I feel deeply ashamed of what I have to tell you now.
My father was an extreme narcissistic sociopath, combined with an extreme intelligence. I can hear you thinking: DANGER! And yes, you’re absolutely right. I’m sorry to have to admit that my father was a very dangerous man to many people surrounding him, me included. He was super-manipulative, a notorious but very smart liar, he cheated, he didn’t allow anyone to criticize him, he was sadistic, up to an extent that he really enjoyed “breaking” someone, and everything he did was only for his advantage. He liked to especially “break” me, because he considered me being his one real “competitor”, as I was from his blood. In his perception, his “own” son (he really owned me, I was his property) could have been the only one that could seriously challenge him. He loved to attack me on a daily basis, or at least whenever he could. It wasn’t exactly helpful that I’m a rebel by nature and a very strong personality myself. Actually, it did help, but you know what I mean.
I was so afraid of my father that I only needed to hear his big-ass Mercedes S-Class entering the driveway to our house when he came home at night, that my body — especially my legs — began shaking for no obvious physical reason. I didn’t feel cold or something like that. My legs just shook. His pure vicinity and existence scared the shit out of me. I knew he would be near me within a few minutes, attacking me again. Never physically, by the way. He was a psychological perpetrator.
I used to write diaries when I was a juvenile, and I wrote all my feelings down in them (alongside drawings), and one day — he “knew” I was very mad at him — he sort of raided my entire room (when I was at school) to find my diary. And he did, of course. It was full of insulting words for him, and he went ballistic. He took the diary to his attorney to deposit it there. I still don’t know why, and I never got the diary back. I think he wanted to have something against me in case I would sue him. My father was a very successful businessman who made a lot of money. I think he was paranoid about the thought that one day I would demand parts of his fortune.
His mental illness supported his success as a businessman substantially. He basically screwed everyone over and knew exactly which strings to pull at all times. Technically, he never made mistakes. He was like a machine, destroying others most effectively. I witnessed how he treated his staff many times, and I witnessed how he screwed his clients over. He perfectionized the art of manipulation and very “elegant” blackmailing. He fucked people over with a self-righteous smile on his face, feeling great about it, praising himself in that very moment he just killed someone’s life or existence, or broke someone’s heart. He was the big man, the king of an illusionary kingdom, the Donald Trump in my life.
Women had to fill a very classical role in his life. They had to prepare and serve food, they had to look good and willing to please him sexually, and most importantly: they had to be by his side as a living decoration of his greatness. Woman = trophy. Ideally, they would keep their mouths shut, unless he demanded to open it. Needless to say, he cheated on every woman he has ever been with, my mother included.
Luckily, this made me a feminist. 🙂
His abusive behavior made other people seriously sick, and he had zero empathy for anyone but himself. He considered himself to be a victim, in general, just like Donald Trump. Everyone was unfair and dishonest to him, no one treated him the way he deserved. Nothing was good enough for him, no matter how hard I (or anybody else) tried. Not much more than a heartless “not too bad” came out of his mouth, whenever I did something actual great. His son, I, was a worthless piece of shit that only fed on his achievements, resources and money. I had to prove literally everything on a daily basis, in order to “earn” his attention. Of course, I failed to 99.99%.
The most hurtful moment must have been when I had my first real gig as a drummer, in front of 2,000 people. He sat in the first row in the audience (to my surprise, he showed up). After the gig, the crowd gave us standing ovations and frenetic applause. My father was the only person that kept sitting, not applauding, not even smiling. Nothing. He was disgusted by my success and that I was very good at something that people admired and respected. My heart, that he had pissed on countless times before, was in a trillion pieces. On that day I really started to feel nothing but hate for him.
He could praise other people over the moon, though, when what they did meant something to his advantage. Or when someone expressed his admiration for him. Then this person was “the best ever”, Trump-style.
My father died early from another severe (physical) illness that he suffered from for a long time. I wasn’t ashamed then and I am not now when I say: it was a salvation for everyone, especially me. My father was a dark shadow in my life. He still continues to haunt me.
I will, most probably, never get rid of the sadness inside of me when I think about everything I said above. I’m sad that I had such a father, and it doesn’t stop to hurt that I have to talk about him like that. I wish I would have had a father to be proud of, but most importantly: a father proud of me. Instead, I have always been his #1 target, and I’m doomed to deal with this for the rest of my life.
Okay, enough about my father. I hope you understand now why this topic is important to me. The “free world” has a new leader since 20th January, 2017, and he is just like my father was, just on a much larger scale.
Whenever the Vice President and a majority of either the principal officers of the executive departments or of such other body as Congress may by law provide, transmit to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives their written declaration that the President is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office, the Vice President shall immediately assume the powers and duties of the office as Acting President.
Thereafter, when the President transmits to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives his written declaration that no inability exists, he shall resume the powers and duties of his office unless the Vice President and a majority of either the principal officers of the executive department or of such other body as Congress may by law provide, transmit within four days to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives their written declaration that the President is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office. Thereupon Congress shall decide the issue, assembling within forty-eight hours for that purpose if not in session. If the Congress, within twenty-one days after receipt of the latter written declaration, or, if Congress is not in session, within twenty-one days after Congress is required to assemble, determines by two-thirds vote of both Houses that the President is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office, the Vice President shall continue to discharge the same as Acting President; otherwise, the President shall resume the powers and duties of his office.
The relevant information is in bold letters. What I want to say is: According to numerous top psychologists, Donald Trump is mentally ill, suffering from a severe narcissistic personality disorder. Again, the world of scientists seems to be absolutely clear about that, it’s not an #alternativefact.
Here are my questions, and I’d be happy if you would give me answers, if possible:
Can someone or an institution force Donald Trump to have his mental health checked? And if, who and how?
Why has nobody done that already, and why didn’t anyone (or the constitution) request a general mental health check before someone gets inaugurated for such a high office?
I don’t get how this could happen, how the most powerful country on Earth has put someone into the Oval Office that is not mentally fit for this office. On the other hand I see a process like the one stated above as the most realistic and fastest way to remove Trump from office.
Mike Pence, despite the fact how much I disagree with him politically, seems to be at least a somewhat sane person. We can have political disagreements with people, but it’s another thing when someone is living out his symptoms of his mental illness. That is putting the entire world in danger…. just like my father fucked up my life when I was young.
The world needs to remove this sick man from office. Urgently.
I had a flight from Malaysia to Manila on Friday that I chose to be just in time to arrive at the airport, get picked up by the Missus and drive directly to my gig at The Electronica Festival. Everything was okay, although my flight had a delay of 45 minutes. Arriving there (the way to the venue already told lots about the venue itself) we immediately recognized that there weren’t a lot of people. No one was able to introduce me to anyone who was responsible for artists, I had to walk around for 20 minutes to find a DJ mate who was actually as lost as myself. We somehow got it managed to find our stage. Then there were no drinks for us, we were supposed to manage everything ourselves, including carrying cups of drinks from one bar 300 meters away from our stage, to have something to drink whilst performing. No one assisted us or gave us any comfort. In “exchange” I received like 400 texts from random (and unknown to me) people, “reminding” me of my performance on stage at 4AM. Actually, I started playing at 3.45AM already, but, of course, no one took notice of that, apart from some fans and fellow artists (thank you Emel and David) who enjoyed the set.
For some reason I started to feel really terrible like 1 hour into my set. Luckily the bathrooms were just behind the stage, so I went vomiting 2 times, but didn’t interrupt my set and tried to be as professional as I could. I think no one even noticed that I felt like shit. After my set, I randomly asked about who’s gonna pay out the talent fee, but no one was able to give a straight answer. To make a long story short: in the end I had to chase down responsible people for like half an hour and become VERY energetic, insisting on paying me my fee in full after a given performance. They tried to tell me that all would be paid out on Monday, but I stated that this is zero acceptable and not gonna happen, otherwise … you know what I mean. I can get very angry, and yes: intimidating, when I feel that someone tries to bullshit me.
After all, I can only hope my artist mates got/get a hold of their money and nothing more catastrophic happened. I texted one of the responsible persons afterwards to never contact or ask me again. I don’t want to work with totally unprofessional people. Go learn the business first, then organize events.
If you think you’re stepping over the line, offending your public or perhaps risking economic suicide, shall we cut this off now, erase the tape and start over along more antiseptic lines?
And he said:
No, let’s let it run. I’ve thought this way for years, ached to say these things. Whom have I harmed by what I’ve said? What moral defection have I suggested? No, I don’t want to chicken out now. Come on, pal, the clock’s running.
I have to say, I never liked his music, but this man has become one of my heroes today. Because he’s absolutely right, and he’s had some balls.
But here’s what the interview is about, actually:
I don’t believe in a personal God to whom I look for comfort or for a natural on the next roll of the dice. I’m not unmindful of man’s seeming need for faith; I’m for anything that gets you through the night, be it prayer, tranquilizers or a bottle of Jack Daniel’s. But to me religion is a deeply personal thing in which man and God go it alone together, without the witch doctor in the middle. The witch doctor tries to convince us that we have to ask God for help, to spell out to him what we need, even to bribe him with prayer or cash on the line. Well, I believe that God knows what each of us wants and needs. It’s not necessary for us to make it to church on Sunday to reach Him. You can find Him anyplace.
There are things about organized religion which I resent. Christ is revered as the Prince of Peace, but more blood has been shed in His name than any other figure in history. You show me one step forward in the name of religion and I’ll show you a hundred retrogressions. Remember, they were men of God who destroyed the educational treasures at Alexandria, who perpetrated the Inquisition in Spain, who burned the witches at Salem. Over 25,000 organized religions flourish on this planet, but the followers of each think all the others are miserably misguided and probably evil as well.
This is not an obituary. There are enough people on the planet that are way better at this. Plus, I didn’t know Robin Williams personally, and I’m not a journalist. But Robin and I — and so many other people in this world — have something in common, and that’s why this is a call for awareness.
The first thing I had to learn this morning when I woke up was: shit! I’m late. I’m supposed to drive the Missus to work!
Part of my waking-up-process is having a cigarette and checking my phone. Call it a ritual. Next up would be grabbing a coffee from the kitchen. I didn’t get this far. The news that Robin Williams (apparently, unconfirmed while I’m writing this) committed suicide was all over my phone.
Holy shit! I mean: holy motherfucking goddamn shit! How can this happen? How can someone bring so much joy into people’s hearts and be a totally sad man himself? What an actor, what an artist, what a great human being!
Robin Williams was very open about his addictions (cocaine, alcohol) and his depressions. This didn’t help enough, though. And no money, success and fame in the world could help him to overcome his struggles with life.
My distant relative Christopher Vogelmann, who’s a doctor himself (even when he’s “only” a chiropractor), said today:
Mental distress and mental illness affect more people than we readily know. Depression and addiction can hit those who are famous and those closest to us.
It is a sad moment as this great light of comedic genius has left us for a much larger stage.
The daily struggles can often be upsetting but the positive potential is equally strong.
We are as a nation ill-prepared to deal with mental illness. We often just stigmatize and warehouse those afflicted with mental illness – something that we would almost never do to a person with a physical illness.
He said it. I feel that this is all we need to know and think about right now and in the future.
I’m suffering from depressions all my life. I’ve had numerous moments when I wanted to end my life, because I couldn’t bear the deep sadness inside of me anymore. A sadness I couldn’t explain, one I could never find out where it was coming from. How do you pull out the rambling weeds when you can’t grab it at its roots?
I got it “under control”, kind of. The sadness and depressions are still there, but somehow I found a way to go through those phases. They have become infrequent, and I got meds that make it easier when they show up. I have had training all my life, to wear a mask, smile, so that no one would ever figure out what’s going on behind the mask.
The wish to just be dead and get rid of the pain then is still there. It’s mainly the responsibility for the hearts of the people surrounding me that keeps me away from leaving the stage of this life.
I’m sure Robin Williams had professional help, meds and loving people surrounding him. For a “normal” person, there would be so many good reasons to just be happy and enjoy life, but for Robin Williams all of this wasn’t enough, apparently.
I’m thinking about “why do people have problems like that” all my life. What the fuck is wrong? What makes people so sick, and why do I suffer from this, too? Is it a general sick world, full of ugliness and hatred? Does this produce so much negativity that some people just can’t deal with it? Are we not made for a society like that?
I remember a statement actor Gerard Depardieu gave when his only son died. It was something like
He wasn’t made for this world. He was a true poet, this world was too much for him. It’s okay that he’s at another place now where he can find peace for himself.
I was thinking that — as sad as it is — he is probably right.
I wish the world would be more lovely and less ugly. I wish people would treat each other with more respect and kindness. I wish money and status wouldn’t have the importance it has, and everyone could just live his life the way he wants without the constant pressure life puts on us.
Maybe there are individuals in this world that just can’t take all this ugliness. Maybe we put our wishes and our suffering into art, for the outside world to understand us better, to express ourselves, because words are so limited.
And some of of us obviously give the funny clown to overact the deep sadness inside of us, or to pretend that this world is an entirely beautiful place. Like Robin Williams.
P.S.: I didn’t write this to jump on a SEO bandwagon. I did it, because this topic affects me personally, and I think it helps others and myself to be as open as possible about it.
P.P.S.: I didn’t drive the Missus to work, the morning was all fucked up.
This is Zelda Williams’ tweet after her father’s death: